You don't need to be strong all the time

This past Memorial Day weekend was a great one. One filled with family, friends and yep, a wedding. The first I've attended since Hubby and I tied the knot almost a year ago (!!!). The previously mentioned Blaze and Biscuit married on Sunday the 25th of May and it was a fabulous day. I wasn't sure how I would handle the day, weddings = happiness = Hubby = Hubby not here. Being a full Catholic mass, about 30 minutes in, the priest got to the part where we pray for specific people in need. Being Memorial Day weekend and the fact that Blaze is a Marine, we prayed for the servicemen and women, those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice in the name of our freedom and for the safety of those currently in Afghanistan and Iraq. Well, in a moment of weakness, the tears started flowing. Hubby was not standing beside me to watch two of my greatest friends get married, he would not be there to dance with me at the reception or to share the happiness of the day. We were praying for him, for his safety and it all hit me at once. Very rarely have I cried since the day Hubby left, especially not in front of people. My mom grabbed my hand as the salty tears streamed down my face. My head hung as I attempted to regain composure, I felt a cool hand against my warm back, my best friend, Lainey, wanting me to know that she is always there for me. 

A stark moment of weakness. For about five minutes, all I could think about was that. Weakness. I'm supposed to be strong and the moment I fall, had to be in front of 200 people on the happiest day of Biscuit and Blaze's lives? I was disappointed in myself. I had let myself down. Three days later and this is still bothering me. Why? Simple really. I have been strong for so long, and not even half of the way through, weakness is trying to rear it's ugly head. It's been easy to push it back in, but with all of that emotion, I couldn't. 

We arrived at the reception and shortly thereafter, my phone rings. Hubby. Excited, I excuse myself from a conversation with a friend and her boyfriend. We chatted for a while and he asks how the wedding was and the reception and if I was having a fun time. "Yeah of course," I told him. "It'd be better if you were there though." He laughs and says, "I know honey, everything's more fun when we're together." I confessed to the incident in the church and tell him how I had really let myself down. "I just felt so weak. I should be strong and instead there was weakness." Hubby paused, offered sympathy, apologized for not being there and said, "you know, you don't need to be strong all the time." I smiled. He was right, completely right. Although I wish my moment of weakness wasn't in the church of 200 people, I realized that it's ok to cry. It's ok to be weak every once in a while. 

I don't need to be strong all the time.