When we first started dating, he was at Ft. Knox in Kentucky and I was at school in South Carolina, we'd chat on the phone and send emails, but were counting until sometime in October when we could see each other. Finally, the weekend came and seemed to last about 10 minutes, but it wasn't too bad because we knew I'd be heading out to San Diego to visit him while he was at his parent's place. That came, and again, the weekend seemed to last about 10 minutes. When he dropped me off at the airport so I could head back to South Carolina, it was a little harder, we were going to see each other in Hawaii after Christmas. And thus began the next countdown.
Mid-October to late December seemed to drag on and on. Every morning when I woke, I'd tear off another post-it revealing a number one less than the day before. Hubby did surprise me by coming to Massachusetts on December 24th to spend Christmas with my family and I, which was very exciting for me, not only because I got to see Hubby (then boyfriend) but it knocked a solid seven days off the countdown. He left, and a couple days later I was on a plane around the world to visit Hubby.
We spent about ten days together in Hawaii before Hubby dropped me off at the airport. This time was notably harder than times past and I learned that each successive goodbye is always harder than the last. This goodbye would have to last three months before I could come back to Hawaii over spring break. After spring break it was another three months before I would be back to Hawaii to spend the summer before the wedding with Hubby. Countdowns galore. But what were we counting to? A few days, weeks, months together before we'd have to part ways to our own lives until we would see each other again for a visit?
A solid two weeks after the wedding, we drove to Charlotte, NC where Hubby would be taking the 6am flight back to Hawaii for more training, I would stay in South Carolina to complete more coursework. This was the hardest goodbye to date. I cried at the airport, I cried the whole hour and a half back to Columbia, I cried the rest of the day, and the worst part of it all was the fact that my roommate had gone away for the weekend. I had no one there. I was lonely and sad and three months away from seeing my new husband.
I tried not to start my countdown until at least a few weeks in, but, it just didn't work out that way. I made it as soon as I composed myself the night I dropped Hubby off. 95 days. Every morning I'd rip off a post-it and throw it away, my trash filled only with pink post-it notes was symbolic of the time passing. This time was harder than the rest. I'm not sure if it was because we were newly married or if because all of my friends who had previously been around the Columbia area had graduated and moved out of the world's worst city. I stayed busy with work and exercise and classes, but it still didn't help. I'd wake up, rip off a pink post-it, toss it in the trash, flip on the news in hope that President Bush decided to end the war so Hubby wouldn't have to go, and disappointed, I'd pull on my workout clothes and head to the gym for at least two hours. I can say that boredom has kept me in quite great shape. I'd come home, go to work, come home, do schoolwork, go to bed, and do it all in the morning. Rip off a pink post-it, flip on the news....
Time was at a standstill. Every morning that I woke up, I realized everything I was doing seemed to be without heart or passion, I was just going through the motions. Everyday that passed was not another day of my life but just another day closer to Hubby. Each time I pulled a number off the countdown, I'd remind myself, "one day down, one day closer." Time, I thought, would never pass. Why is it that when you want time to fly by, it drags and when you want it to slow down, it flies? An interesting paradox.
Well, finally, it was the day I was heading back to Hawaii to spend two months with Hubby before he left for Iraq. What relief I felt when I finally saw Hubby and we were able to go on date nights and swim at the beach together, even grocery shopping was fun if it were together. Oh, how I wanted time to be put on pause. Faster than you read the last sentence, it was December 10 and Hubby was leaving for Iraq. Another countdown, only this time it couldn't be counted in days. Well, it could but 454 days is a pretty overwhelming countdown.
I tried to hold off as long as possible on the countdown but with little success. I couldn't help myself, about two weeks into the deployment I created a bi-monthly countdown. I rip a purple post-it off every two weeks. It's now on 10 months, May 22 will indicate 9.5 months and so on. I look forward to each time I get to rip off another post-it, but what I really am looking forward to is the time when I don't need to keep a countdown.
When Hubby comes home, I will never again countdown days, weeks or months. Why would I? I will have nothing better to face than the present.
No comments:
Post a Comment