Time flies...

As I rolled out of bed this morning, I glanced at my calendar, "December 1st?" I thought to myself. "How did it get to be December already?" Looking back over the last year, I can't believe that I've made it as far as I have. In just about a week, Hubby will have been gone for a year. 365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. Where did it go? Thinking about the deployment thus far, I can sum it up as this: overall the time flew but the day-to-day grind crawled. It's hard to explain and I'm sure even harder to understand unless you've been through it. Most people can't begin to fathom the concept of having their husbands leave them for a year, well neither could I.

At this time last year, I was struggling pretty bad. The idea of the unknown terrified me. I tried so hard to be happy and truly enjoy Hubby and my last week together, but reality is that the thought of the pending doom ahead was never far from my thoughts. I looked back 15 months from where I was and was shaken at how different my life was then; I couldn't help but think that after spending 15 months away from Hubby, my life would be drastically different then, too. After having been through 12 of the 15 months, I tell people that the anticipation was worse than the actual deployment. Although, when I tell them that, I leave out the days that were worse, those days that I spent checking my email every five or ten minutes to see if I got a message or checking the online bank account to see any transaction that Hubby may have done so I can see that he is in fact ok, even though I haven't spoken with him in days. A friend and I decided that if the guys were only gone for a year, it would be much more managable because 15 months is an undefined amount of time, pretty hard to wrap your head around. If Hubby were only gone for a year, he'd be on his way home and I would be back in Hawaii.

On January 1, 2008, I made myself several resolutions, things that I wanted to complete by the time Hubby came home. I wanted to get back in better shape, get myself and our finances organized, graduate from college, get a job, and become a more independent person. I am proud to say that after 12 months, all of these resolutions have been met and some even exceeded. I am proud of myself for making it this far, but just have to find the strength and courage to make it though yet another Christmas another holiday season without my husband. The first year of our marriage was handed over to Iraq, the military got more out of my husband than I have, but all that is just for three more months, and then I have him for the rest of our lives.

Leaving home, however, is going to be rather bittersweet for me. I attended college in South Carolina, so going from there to Hawaii was not difficult. Since I have been home with my parents and friends for a year, I've grown quite accustomed to the daily life in Massachusetts. I've become a lot closer with both of my parents and have developed my friendships ever further. Being away from my family and only visiting a few times a year just doesn't seem like enough for me. I want to be able to go shopping with my mom on a random weekend, have lunch with my dad and be able to see my friends on the weekends. It makes me sad to know that I won't be a part of my parents or friends day-to-day lives. Being in the holiday season really amplifies this. Knowing that holidays will not all be spent with my family makes me sad and maybe makes me a bit selfish. I do know that I will be quite homesick for quite some time.

How quickly the time has passed, I wish that I had done more with my time, achieved more, spent more time with friends, taken more classes. Overall, the time has gone well and luckily for me, Hubby will be home in just three months.