Prayers Please

Hubby and his troop have been fairly lucky with injuries and casualties during their deployment thus far. However, a month or so ago, one of their fellow soldiers was involved in a fluke accident while refueling their generator. He suffered severe burns to a large majority of his body. He has been at Brooke Army Medical Center since June and luckily, has been doing much better as the days progress. However, many prayers are needed to be directed his way, please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. Please visit his mother's blog on his condition: http://www.caringbridge.com/visit/matthewwheeler click on the journal on the top to see what she's had to say and also be sure to sign the guestbook as well. Thanks. 

Half way there...

It's hard to believe that we've already made it through half of this deployment. Seven and a half months have come and gone and I still can't get over the fact that I have not seen Hubby since December. Sometimes I feel that the hardest part is over, but sometimes, I feel that the hardest part is yet to come. The past seven months flew by, but July has been crawling. I'm not sure if it's because R&R is on the horizon. Being just under two months away, it seems that those two months should just fly by, right? Well logically, since the past seven have gone so quickly, you would think that the next two would do the same. Well, all logic is thrown out when it comes to counting down. It seems that the closer I get, the slower time passes. Somehow, I feel like September is never going to get here. Everyday, I think of driving to the airport to pick up Hubby and running into his comforting arms once again. But, every time I think of it, I can't really picture it happening. It just seems like some far away dream that is just that, a dream, and will never become reality. 

The hardest thing that I have come across throughout this experience, is that slowly, as the months have passed, when I close my eyes, I cannot picture Hubby's face. I can't see us doing things together, I can't see the way he looks at me, or his smile or his mannerisms. I can see him from pictures I have in frames in my room, but I just can't seem to remember what it looks like when he comes home from work and sees me waiting for him by the door. That hurts. 

When I do daydream about Hubby's R&R homecoming, I picture my giddy self arriving at the airport several hours before his flight is scheduled to arrive, heading to the USO so I can make my way to the gate through which he will come, and I picture myself having serious butterflies in my stomach, and probably calling Biscuit for some reassurance. I can see all the people filing off the plane and finally seeing Hubby in his uniform and running toward him, wrapping my arms around his neck. The only thing I can't see from that day is his face. 

8 days

Work came. Work went. After 8 days of working with LM, I was getting really excited about the possibility of a future with the company. The benefits and the career options are pretty much endless. Then came the phone call. 

I had the day off today because of an eye doctor appointment. I met my dad for lunch and was making my way back to my room to get started on my PR project when my phone rang. I answered, and it was my boss. To make a long story short and to cut the dialogue that I don't really feel like typing, it goes like this.... I took a temp job with LM as a recruiting assistant and I knew very well that this was a temp job. To cut to the chase, my boss didn't have enough work for me to do and since I was a temp worker, I couldn't get access to the LM network where I would be doing most of the work she hired me for, therefore, no work for me to do. Simple math really. No access + no work = no job. Awesome. She made sure to explain that she appreciated the work I had completed in the 8 days I was there, and that I could use her as a reference in the future. It's just a little disheartening. 

And so the job search ensues. 

My new life plan

Upon successful completion of my first week in a "real" job, I am content with where I stand. In just four days I have already learned so much. Not only is this job a great experience, I am learning a lot about what I want to do with my life, and what I don't. 

My boss a recruiter. Not only do I hear her interviewing at least five candidates a day, but I also hear about what makes them bad and what turns them into an employee. I know that once I leave this job, I will know first-hand what recruiters are looking for, what to say in an interview and how to give an original answer; not the standard, "I think I'd be good at this job because I love meeting new people and I am really outgoing, a definite leader." My boss said that what bothers her more than asking the same questions over and over is hearing the same answers. 

However, most importantly, what I have learned over the last four days is that once Hubby and I finally settle somewhere, I will never work another job where I am stuck in a cubicle for 40 hours each week, staring at a computer screen. The mere thought of typing this blog is the reason why it has been so long since I last updated. I want to do something where I am my own boss, I don't have to answer to someone else, where I can make my own hours and be in charge of my own income, and most importantly, something that I enjoy doing.

With all that being said, I think I have decided that once Hubby and I move back to Charleston, SC, I will start my own wedding planning business. Being the number two wedding location in the country, behind only Vegas, Charleston is the ideal location for me to start this venture. I would want to go back to school to get my MBA, so I have more business background than my minor provided. My sister told me about organizations that help small businesses get started, helping them write their business and marketing plans, doing their taxes and all that other business that entrepreneurs need help with. Anyway, this is my new life plan, any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 

On a side note, Hubby comes home for R&R in 2 months!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hellaciousness' Evil Twin

I found it hard to lie to my future employers' faces and tell them that, "yes I plan on being with this company for many years," when I knew very well that I would be packing up and leaving in February. After numerous interviews with great companies and walking away from amazing opportunities, I have finally found a job where all my cards are laid out on the table. No secrets. 

After four interviews with LM for a sales position, the truth came out. "Well, the truth is sir, my husband and I will be moving to Hawaii in March." I left out the part that I knew this all along. "Unfortunately, we will not be able to continue this process anymore," he explained. "But I think you are a great candidate, so I'll let Sally (my recruiter) know that you may be interested in temp positions." I didn't think anything of it and never expected anything to come of it. I continued my doomed path of interviewing. I came clean to NMFN as well along with Enterprise. 

Ironically, during an interview with Enterprise, Sally called and left me a voicemail. As I pulled my stilettos off my feet and made my way to the car, I listened to the message. "Hi, this is Sally from LM. I was calling because I have a temporary position available and I think you might be interested. Just give me a call back if you are. Thanks, bye." Someone is looking out for me that's for sure. It sounded perfect, ideal for my situation. 

I called her back on Monday and she explained that she liked me a lot and was disappointed when the sales job didn't work out. However, she needed someone to help her out and thought I would be perfect for the job. Not only will I get the two days off to head to SC for my graduation in August, but I will get the 18 days in September when Hubby comes home. Could I ask for a more perfect situation? On top of that, she knows my situation so there are no secrets and there will be no surprise two week notices. 

So, finally, I have a job at LM! I start Monday and I could not be happier!!

La la happy land...

It has been seven months since Hubby left, and being just about half way through, I can't help but notice something within myself: resentment. 

They're everywhere. At the gym. On the T. At bars. The beach, gas station, restaurants, walking, biking, laughing, smiling, holding hands. Barf. 

The couple. They haunt me. Everywhere I go I can't help but notice happy couples together in their own la la happy land where nothing else matters but each other, where they can live in eternal bliss. I wish they would all vanish. I don't want to see them, hear them, even think about them. I may sound like an angry divorcee who has sworn off men and relationships, but I am just the opposite. I am missing my husband. He has been gone for way too long. 

Whenever I see a couple out in public, I can't help but resent them. I can't help but look at them and shake my head because they have no idea how easy they have it. I always feel that they haven't truly learned what love is if they haven't been through a deployment. What really gets under my skin is when a girl will complain that her boyfriend went out of town for a few days and she "totally knows how I feel." Haha. Riiight. All I can do is laugh. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. 

However, when I meet a military couple who has been through a deployment, there is an instant bond, an understanding. There's the obvious bond between Blaze, Biscuit and I. We have all been through it and they know exactly how I feel. There is the reassurance from Biscuit that the feelings I have are normal and she had them too and the things that Hubby is going through, Blaze went through as well. More importantly, there is respect. There is a respect that I have for Blaze and Biscuit because they, too, have endured more than most couples could even fathom. There is a mutual understanding. 

I cannot wait for the day when Hubby and I carry on our newly wed routines and join those couples that I resent. The thought of being back in Hawaii seems so distant that I can't even imagine what it will be like. Even though R and R is only two months away, I still can't picture Hubby and I doing things together. In 67 days, Hubby and I will temporarily be back in la la happy land. It can't come soon enough. 

The Anniversary

It's hard to believe that 365 days ago, Hubby and I were drinking champagne, eating cake and dancing with 104 of our closest friends and family. It's hard to believe that it's already been a year and in looking back over the past 12 months, I can't believe I've made it. 

Exactly two weeks after Hubby and I said, 'I do,' he left to head back to Hawaii to get ready for three months of training in the California desert, a pseudo-Iraq of sorts. I spent the better part of those three months moping around my apartment and around Columbia, SC taking the woe-is-me standpoint on my life. It was miserable. Finally, mid-October rolled around and I found myself back in Hawaii with Hubby until December 10 when he deployed. If you do the math correctly, in the year Hubby and I have been married, we have been together for two and a half months. 

Many people turn up their noses at me, asking why I would marry him before he left and I am sure that the majority of people at our wedding questioned how it would possibly work out between Hubby and I. We didn't date long before our engagement and he would be gone for our first year and a half of marriage. Well, we proved them all wrong. 

Hubby left in December and to be honest I think the anticipation of the deployment was almost worst than what I have had to endure thus far. Not knowing is the hardest part. When he left I did not want to be moping around Boston, so I got my act together and sucked it up, as much as possible. Somehow, it has already been seven months since he left and somehow we're almost half way through the deployment. Somehow, Hubby and I have made it to our first wedding anniversary without each other. But, when I look back on the past year, I do not look back with sorrow, but I look back and am glad. Even though our first year of marriage has been spent apart, we had the most amazing time together in Hawaii and that is just a taste of what the future holds for Hubby and I. 

If I had to do it all over again, I would never want it any other way. I could not have found a husband more perfect for me than Hubby. He is truly my best friend. I would wait a lifetime for him. 

Happy anniversary hubby.