My grandmother would send pictures of her and her sisters and friends to him, he would write on them and send them back. In the albums were not only pictures, but the letters and cards he sent home every holiday. Three years of Christmas cards, Valentine's Day cards and birthday cards.
As I browsed through the albums, I felt a sense of comfort. She did it. She did it for three years. Things were so different back then, but in most ways, things were exactly the same. While I never was able to speak to my grandparents about their experiences during the deployment, I imagine they were quite similar to mine and Hubby's.
I imagine that my grandmother made it through with the help of her friends and family. I imagine she had the bad days, the good days, the ups and downs, the what ifs, and the feeling that there is no end in sight. I imagine she had ignorant people criticize her as well and that she sometimes felt that it was too hard to go on. I know, however, that she was strong. She made it through three years of separation, uncertainty and angst.
Like my grandmother, I know that I can make it through the deployment. After realizing how much longer my grandfather was gone than Hubby will be does make me appreciate our times now, but it does not make it any easier. I, like she, am getting by with a little help from my friends.
Over the past four months my friends have really helped me. Luckily, one of my best friends, Lainey, from high school still lives nearby and pretty much our whole circle still lives in the Boston area. I haven't really been going out to bars a lot, but when I do, I can count on them to look out after me.
Two friends in particular come to mind when I think about going out. Johnny Blaze, a Marine, and his fiancee, Biscuit, are the most understanding. Not because they care more, but because they have been through it. Johnny Blaze enlisted in the Marines before we got out of high school and left for Boot Camp in Camp LeJeune, NC about two weeks after graduation. He deployed to Afghanistan for seven months. Upon his return, he came to visit Lainey, Stac and I at UMASS. It was on this night that he met Biscuit and well, the rest is history. Biscuit endured two more deployments and none of us really understood.
This past Saturday night, I packed up my things and headed into Boston to see Lainey's new apartment and go out for Bacon's birthday celebration. We headed to a bar in Fanueil Hall and met up with more friends. A few hours and vodka-cranberry's later, I found myself being hit on by your typical Boston guido.
"Hey, wanna dance?"
No response needed, I just held up my left hand, "Married," I said.
"Aw shit. Is he heeya?"
"No, he's in Iraq."
"Aw man, whateva. How bout you just gimme yer numba?"
Blank stare
"Com'on"
In steps Blaze. "Hey dude back the f*** off. She's f***ing married. She doesn't want to be talking to you. Leave her the f*** alone."
I looked at Blaze a little astonished. Not sure if all he could see was Biscuit in the situation in the past few years or if guido really pissed him off. Either way I was taken aback by his defensiveness and his genuine care for me.
He didn't leave my side the rest of the night.
I can't help but look back on the situation and smile, "what great friends I have," I think to myself. I know Hubby appreciates them too, knowing he doesn't have to worry about me while he is so far away.
Looking back on the past four months, I can feel pretty good about my accomplishments and my progress. Four months in and I am already 26.6% done with the deployment. For my grandmother, four months in was only 11.1% complete. I wonder what she did to pass the time and I wonder if she had a Blaze to look out for her. Not everyone can be as lucky as I. I know I couldn't do this without a little help from my friends.
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