Forgotten Prayers, Empty Well-Wishes

I'd be lying if I said that the people I see at the gym every morning had no impact on my life. When you see the same 5 - 10 people day after day, they become a pseudo-family of sorts. Being the miniscule gym I have worked out at since 1999, everyone knows everyone and their life story.

My best friend and I decided in the summer after ninth grade that it was time to start working out, because frankly, field hockey kept us in shape for 3 of the 12 months in the year, but not a day beyond that. We started out shy little girls keeping to ourselves and several years down the road we both started working at NVFC and thought we owned the place. We worked there all through high school and into college. Occassionally coming back for a random workout over Christmas break too.

After I came home from Hawaii, I wanted to branch out and find a "nice" gym. I looked around at several, but felt unfaithful, like I was cheating on poor NVFC and all its members who I had gotten to know so well over the last 9 years. I reluctantly began a workout routine there and recognized pretty much everyone. I was a little apprehensive about coming back and not being able to actually workout because most people find it to be social hour as opposed to workout hour. Surprisingly, pretty much everyone would say hello, be friendly and let me be.

Over the last four months, I have seen the same people every weekday morning. I love it. It keeps me motivated to go because if I don't show up, there better be an explanation the next day. These are the peope who understand my situation, occassionally ask how Hubby is and if I have gotten to talk to him recently, and add in their well wishes, but pretty much let me be me and not "the girl whose husband is deployed." Then there are the "unregulars" who know me and always ask how Hubby is, a great gesture, yes. Sometimes, however, they just ask out of habit, not really thinking about what they are saying.

A couple days ago, a middle-aged woman came in and followed her normal conversation with me. "Oh, Hiii. How arrrre you? How's your husband? You know, I'm really praying for him. I just hope he comes home." I just hope he comes home period. End of sentence. Not, 'I hope he comes home soon' or 'I hope he comes home safely,' just 'I hope he comes home.' She says this everytime I see her, but for some reason, it made me mad that day. I was not in a bad mood, the weather was great, I spoke to Hubby the night before, it just blindsided me. She had no idea. I couldn't even begin to say how many times people have said things like that. I know their words are well intended but sometimes, I wonder if these people make these comments because they really care or if they ask out of habit. I wonder if they really try to know what my life is like. I wonder if they even try to understand what my life is like right now or if they even remember. I wonder if they ask how I am just because the sparkle of my diamond catches their eye and they remember that there's supposed to be a husband attached. Aside from people who have actually been there, does anyone really understand? No, I didn't before this. I wonder if people look at me and my marriage and thank God that their relationship isn't like mine. I wonder how many minds it hasn't even crossed or how many ears it has gone in and out of. I wonder how many promised prayers have gone forgotten, how many well wishes were empty. I wonder if, until you actually experience this situation, you could possibly even try to understand. Maybe that is the root of disconnect. People trying to empathize who can only muster up pity and when walking away can only think, "Thank God that's not me."