Waiting...

Hubby comes homes home in a week. Needless to say, I am very excited. The past ten months have gone. And I say that because I can't really say that they flew, at times they dragged, the best description is to say that they went. Months ago, I would look at a week to go and say it was nothing, but I have felt that the past few weeks have gone by slower than any other moment thus far. The closer we get, the slower they go. It's obnoxious really.

As the day nears, I can't help but feel like it will never come. I can't help but feel like it will never come true. I cannot picture myself at the airport greeting Hubby at his gate and running into his arms. Call me a pessimist, but I guess I just don't believe that things will happen until they do. Maybe I've developed that attitude as a result of being hurt by the Army so many times. I wonder how many women feel this way, and how many soldiers too.

So here I wait, seven more days. Hopefully they will be painless and quick. I will be waiting for my dream to become reality. Let's hope that the Army doesn't interfere.

On the horizon

Yesterday may have been one of the best days since Hubby left. We finally found out his dates for R&R! In just about three weeks, he will be home here with me. I cannot wait! After he gave me the news and I jumped and danced around the room and called Biscuit and discussed outfits, I thought, "crap, I have a lot to do." I made a list of things that I need to get done before he gets here and realized that while there is a lot to do, it will be fun... and most of it is materialistic errands like getting my hair done, my eyebrows waxed, getting a pedi/mani and picking out the outfit I will wear to pick him up at the airport. Geez, I sound like one of those girls I detest, but whatever, it is all worth it, besides I have to be looking my best when Hubby walks through those doors.

I found out through my FRG (family readiness group) that if I go to the airport's USO with Hubby's flight number and a military ID, then they will give me a pass so I can meet Hubby at his gate. It may sound so simple, but this really makes me happy. I won't have to wait for Hubby to saunter through the terminal to baggage claim. In previous trip to pick him up at the airport, I have found that Hubby doesn't exactly rush to get to baggage, but takes his sweet time, even when I called to tell him to hurry up!

Almost exactly ten months after Hubby left me standing there in Hawaii as I watched him roll away into the unknown, he will be coming home. Even though it's for a little over two weeks, it is exactly what I need to find the strength to pull though the next four months until he is home for good. R and R just can't come soon enough, I am so glad that it is finally on the horizon.

Naive Me

After my short-lived stint at Liberty Mutual, I was caught between a rock and a hard place when it came to finding a job. I needed to find something to do to keep me busy until Hubby's R&R, which was supposed to be in just a few days but got pushed to October, but I also needed a job with the flexibility to take three weeks off while Hubby was home. After graduation in August, finding a job and taking three weeks off after working there for only three weeks seemed pretty impossible and irresponsible to say the least. I am not the type of person who can just sit at home a do nothing all day, I would go crazy; I needed to find something to do. I played with numerous volunteering ideas from working at the VA hospital to coaching field hockey. Well, the latter stuck. I got in touch with my high school coach and she was thrilled at the idea of my helping out with JV and Varsity. Since late August I have been down at the school every afternoon, going to the games and trying to get the girls in shape. It has been great, I love feeling like I am helping out and doing something worthwhile. Most importantly, coaching has been keeping me busy. Which, as I have said numerous times before, is the most critical thing for me to do since Hubby has been gone. Not only that though, it gives me an alibi. 

Now, I don't mean that in a conniving manner. Whenever I see someone I haven't seen in a long time, the question always arises. "So what are you doing these days?" or "What brings you back to the area?" When I first came home my ignorant, naive self would tell the truth and explain in detail why I, a recent college grad, was living back in my small podunk hometown, with my parents nonetheless. From about December to May I explained it. "Well, I got married last summer and my husband is in the military and he's in Iraq right now, so I'm living at home with my parents until he comes home. I took some time off of school so now I'm finishing up my classes online." Silly me. 

My mom and I went to the Fall Fest in town this morning and I was confronted with two women that I haven't seen in years. My sixth grade language arts teacher and a former boss' best friend/mother of a guy I went to high school with. Obviously in this situation, they both asked the question, "so what have you been up to lately?" and "what are you doing back here?" I smiled and replied, "oh, well I've been assistant coaching JV and Varsity field hockey at the high school. It's great, it has been a lot of fun." That was that. Both women smiled and replied something on the lines of "that must be great Silv (the coach) must love having you." No explanation of Hubby's being in Iraq, no fake, awkward sympathy, just a smile. I just wish I had thought of this sooner. 

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Thank you.

It has been so easy to feel alone since Hubby has left. Alone in the sense that no one else understands what I am going through. Alone in that even though our whole family is enduring this, my life is the only one that has drastically changed. Obviously, Hubby and my family has been extremely supportive as have my friends, but when push comes to shove, they just don't get it, and I wouldn't or couldn't expect them to. As I have said before, the only people that truly understand are those who have done it before. 

I have always found comfort in knowing that I am not alone in the sense that many women have done this before, many are doing it now and there will be many more in the future. All of which have endured the pain. There are two types of comforting people, those who have already endured and those who are enduring. I have been blessed with both, all of whom I can consider great friends. I have mentioned Blaze and Biscuit numerous times before. They are both amazing friends who have been so comforting and supportive, listening when I need to talk and offering advice when need be. I have also found comfort in a fiancee of a coworker of Hubby's, CityGirl. Since we have been going through the same deployment, we can share our struggles and excitements and countdown together.

While Blaze and Biscuit offer experience and CityGirl is going through the same thing, it is not my implication that they are the only three people in whom I find support. As I previously mentioned, my family, Hubby's family, my wonderful friends and even Hubby's friends have consistently been checking up on me and keeping me company and I am forever grateful. Their comfort and support mean more than I could ever begin to explain. 

 I am lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life that I have been able to lean on throughout this experience. I really just wanted to acknowledge anyone and everyone who has been here throughout the last nine months and thank them for everything they do, even if they do not realize it. More than you know, thank you.