Some people

After six and a half months of deployment, there are still people at the gym that ask about Hubby. It always surprises me that most know when he's coming home for R and R and some come up to me with the approximate countdown. "Getting close," they'll say. "Just under three months before you get to see your sweetie." It's nice to know that some people, even though they only know the gym side of me, care enough to acknowledge the issue at hand. 

However, there is one man who introduced himself to me back in December. For the life of me, I cannot remember his name, but for convenience sake we'll call him Bob. He's probably in his mid-60s, not a gym regular, but regular enough. Whenever he comes in, he asks how Hubby is and how much longer until I see him. He usually adds in his political outlook on the war, the president and snide comments on my marriage. He does not fall into the category of people I described in an earlier post. Those are the people who don't know they upset me, I am pretty sure Bob would have to be a complete idiot not to realize what he says is hurtful and disrespectful. 

Today. I got to the gym a little earlier than normal, 8:45am. I head to the treadmills and start stretching. I notice Bob stroll in and make his way over to me on the treadmills, "great," I think to myself. Of course even with 5 others available, he takes the one right next to me. I can't stand it when people try to have a conversation with me while I'm running, especially when they're walking or not doing anything at all. They just want a quick convo before they leave or before they start working out or in between their sets. What annoys me even more is that 99% of the time I am listening to my iPod. I usually try to brush them off with a one word response or a quick smile, but it usually doesn't work. I take out my headphones, and usually try to keep running, if they don't accept my one word answers, I reluctantly slow the treadmill to a walk and listen to what they have to say, again reluctantly. 

Back to Bob. He starts the treadmill at a comfortable 3.0, an easy walk.

 "So, when does your husband come home?" 

"Mid-September," I reply, thinking, 'don't we have this same conversation every time I see you?' 

"Gee, that's still so far away."

"Not really."

"So what does he say about the war?"

"Um, not too much. They're helping the people," I say, trying not to roll my eyes or be too rude. 

"Well, you know I think it's a good thing we're over there. I could never vote for no Obama. If I had a son that was killed over there and Obama took everyone out, I'd feel that my son's death would be for no good reason."

Head nod, fake smile.

"It's a good thing we hanged than damn Heussein. He was the modern day Hitler. And if you saw the look on his face before they put the noose around his neck... he knew he was wrong. He knew he was going to hell."

No response, but thinking 'Do Muslims believe in Heaven and Hell?'

"So how long have you been married?"

"A year" I sigh. 'Great this again,' I think to myself.

"And he's been gone since December? Gee not much of a first year of marriage huh?"

No response, blank stare.

"How long were you together before you got married?"

"About a year," I lie. 

"Hahahaha,"

'Are you serious,' I think to myself, 'is this man really LAUGHING at me?!'

"What are you 21?"

"No, 23."

"Wow, you're really getting up there. Hahaha."

I fight back to urge to kick his foot so he falls off the treadmill.

"Do you regret marrying him before he left for Iraq? Or are you glad you did?"

I try to peel my jaw off the treadmill belt. "I'm glad I did," I said, horrified. 'Who is this man, and who the hell does he think he is asking me these questions and then asking me these questions while I am working out?!!!'

"Really, why?"

I ignore him, put my headphones back on, crank up the music and start a sprint, hoping he would take the hint and leave me alone forever. 

He did take the hint and didn't say anything to me after that. Who says stuff like that anyway? Why would someone I barely know, ask me such personal questions. Is it ignorance? Is it curiosity? Either way it's offensive. Geez, some people. 

Not my words

As summer continues, I have found my life as of recent to be quite bland and un-noteworthy. I have gathered a few of the best quotations to sum up my emotions in missing my hubby. There is, however, just over two months until he comes home for R&R. 

"All days are nights to see till I see thee, 

And nights bright days when dreams do show thee to me."

-William Shakespeare, Sonnet XLIII

"Oft in the tranquil hour of night, 

When stars illume the sky, 

I gaze upon each orb of light, 

And wish that thou wert by."

-George Linley

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dream, we can play together all night."

-Bill Watterson

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." 

-Annie, the musical

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning."

-Ivy Baker Priest

Sweet, bittersweet summertime

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I live for the summertime. The sun invigorates my soul and lifts my spirits. It is hard for me to be in a bad mood when the sun is out and the temperature is over 75 degrees. 

Coming back home to Boston in the dead of winter after Hubby left was not my ideal situation... especially after having lived in South Carolina for three years and spending the past fall and early winter in Hawaii. I stepped off the plane in a track suit, no jacket, but was greeted by my parents with a warm, welcoming down North Face jacket. Even that didn't make me feel warm when we first stepped out into the bitter Boston night time air. 20 degrees, generously. Everyone down in South Carolina would always say when it got cold out, "you're from the north, you should be used to this!" Well, no. Sorry, I've never liked the cold weather, never could acclimate to it. Nope, that's half the reason I moved south in the first place. It's all relative. In Hawaii, I would put on pants and a long-sleeved shirt if it got below 75. Enough said. 

Anyway, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and somehow I've found myself in the middle of June. How six months of this deployment has passed I have no idea. I have also found myself some nice weather. It finally surpassed 90 degrees for the past four days, an official heat wave per Massachusetts standards. 

On Sunday, in the prime of the heat wave, Lainey had come back to our small country town for a family graduation party. Blaze, Biscuit and I found ourselves at Lainey's lakeside house relaxing in the shade, eating potato salad and sandwiches, jumping off the dock and swimming out to the raft, sunning ourselves. True summertime. Bliss. There is nothing greater than Massachusetts in the summer. 

Normally, if I were in South Carolina 90 would be on the cool side for the month of June, but in Massachusetts where no one has central AC, I was glad for the heat to pass. As I type right now, outside, a solid 78 degrees (thank you Mac) I feel the warmth of the sun on my face, a slight cool breeze, not a cloud in the big blue, I can't help but think this is perfection. Well, any sort of perfection that can be had away from the beach. 

However, there just seems to be something missing. Summertime is here and I could not be happier. What is it? Hubby. I wish that I could have swam in the lake with him, brought him to Lainey's. I wish that we could go relax on the beach like we did in Hawaii every weekend or go snorkeling. I wish I could take him to a Sox game or watch the Celtics playoff games together. 

I was looking forward to summer since the minute I stepped foot into the bitter December air the day after Hubby left. Now it's here and all I can do is look forward to the fall, well September really, when he'll finally be home for R&R. 

I know I will enjoy my summer, I always do. I'll still go into Boston to go shopping with my girlfriends, head to the beach, go to Maine with my parents, I'll have a sunkissed glow, and I'll swim in the ocean just so I can feel the salt on my face and in my hair, I'l probably go boating and get ice cream with my friends, but underneath it all, I'll just be going through the motions until Hubby comes home. 

Hellaciousness

Now, the deployment is not all rampant emotions, there are some serious decisions that have to be made during this period. 

I graduated high school in 2003 and attended the University of Massachusetts at Amherst as a Business student for the first year and a half. In January 2005, I packed up my life and moved to South Carolina to study Public Relations. Well, at the time it was Advertising then Economics then Public Relations. Needless to say, with the transfer and major switching, I was going to be behind on graduating. But, who finishes school in 4 years now anyway? Right? Well, three years into school I was getting pretty anxious to finish. I took summer classes all summer for two summers, picked up 6 or 7 classes each semester and somehow when it came time for me to move to Hawaii, I was still nowhere near finishing. After ditching a corrupt advisor whose scheme it was to keep me in school for as long as possible, I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

My new advisor has helped me more than any one advisor really should. He bent over backwards to get a committee approve my request to finish my last seven courses away from South Carolina. Somehow it has worked out that I could take three classes as distance classes through South Carolina and four were to be taken at different universities to transfer into Carolina. Confusing, I know. 

I am eternally grateful to my advisor and school dean for helping me out with this venture, thanks to them I do not have to be in Columbia, SC (worst place on Earth) while Hubby is gone. I get to be with my family and my friends during this hard time. 

So what's the problem? Timing. Graduation is in August. Hubby comes home for R&R in mid-September for 18 days. By the time I graduate and can work for a real company, Hubby will be home for R&R, which I will not miss a single minute. If I start working when he leaves it gives me barely four and a half months. I am stuck in a huge dilemma. What kind of job do I get? I've been looking for internships and real jobs with no such luck. Do I get a whatever kind of job just to bring in a paycheck? If I choose the latter, my resume will be blank from 2006 - 2009. Not admirable to employers, especially for new college grads. 

For the last few weeks, since I've finished my nightmarish spring semester, have been full of this hellacious stress. WHAT DO I DO?! Ahh, I want to scream. Well no, actually I want someone to knock on my door and offer me a fabulous job preferable in PR or Recruiting, Sales maybe and wants to pay me $60,000 a year. 

Since we all know that's not going to happen, I'll be continuing my job hunt. I'm not sure I can take this hellaciousness for much longer, so let's hope someone bites!